


Forgetting the Words of His Favorite Song

by ArianneMaya



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: Bring Back The Porn Challenge, Dom/sub, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-01
Updated: 2013-09-01
Packaged: 2017-12-25 07:34:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/950409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArianneMaya/pseuds/ArianneMaya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>The reminder of everything they’ve done together is just what Adam needs to shed his everyday persona and reach the state where his only focus is Brian and his own need to help Brian and care for him, any way he can.</em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forgetting the Words of His Favorite Song

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 2013 edition of [Bring Back the Porn](http://asylums.insanejournal.com/bbtp_challenge/). Many thanks to Leela for her amazing beta work. Any remaining mistakes are mine.

Adam didn’t plan for this. It just kind of happened. 

It’s that time of night, after a party, when his house is half-empty. Most people have already left, leaving behind only his closest friends, those he can trust with everything he has, and know they do the same. 

They’ve all migrated to the living room, taking over the couches and the floor. The thumping music has been reduced to a soft noise in the background. Everyone is a little drunk, but at this point in the evening, no one cares. As Adam sits amongst them and joins the conversation, he can’t help but glance every few seconds at the corner that Ashley, Tommy and Brian have taken over, as he’s done all evening. 

The more he watches, the more concerned Adam gets. There’s something off with Brian. It’s subtle enough that anyone who doesn’t know him that well wouldn’t notice anything beyond the fact that he looks tired, but Adam has had years of practice at figuring Brian out. 

He notices every smile that doesn’t quite make it to Brian’s eyes, every time he drops out of the conversation like it’s asking too much from him. Signs that separately wouldn’t mean a thing but that put together, are all clues that Brian isn’t just tired. This is the kind of exhaustion that runs bone deep. 

Adam tries to tell himself not to worry, but it’s a lost cause. When Lee and Scarlett leave, everyone shuffles around to get closer and Adam finds himself sitting next to Brian. Without thinking, he rests his hand on Brian’s shoulder, extending his thumb toward the other side. Not quite grabbing Brian’s neck, but not far from it either. 

It takes a few seconds for Adam to realize what he’s doing. Before he can apologize and take away his hand, though, he feels the way Brian leans back into his touch, how some of the tension leaves Brian’s shoulders. 

He stops second-guessing himself and lets instinct take over, tracing soft circles on the skin of Brian’s back. Time seems to slow down until Adam is barely aware of the others around them, until he can’t help but suggest, “Do you want to spend the night here?” He doesn’t bother to keep his voice down, not caring if the others hear him. They know everything there is to know about him. This won’t shock or surprise them. 

And, judging from Scarlett’s small nod right before she leaves, he isn’t the only one who’s noticed there’s something off with Brian. 

Adam could swear he sees the rest of the stress seep out of Brian’s body. As if the only thing that’s stopping him from going lax is the knowledge that they’re surrounded by friends. 

As soon as Adam says the words, the temptation to take them back is strong. In all of these years, he’s never asked. He’s always waited for Brian to come to him, to take the first step. 

Yet, so low that Adam is the only one who can hear him, Brian says, “I’d love to.” 

Adam tries not to let his surprise show. Their usual involves phone calls and planning and juggling with both their schedules until they finally figure out a how, when and where. This, right here, feels a lot like going in blind. 

But Adam can’t bring himself to say he didn’t mean it. Not when he can see how badly Brian needs… whatever tonight is going to be.

He keeps up the gentle touches until everyone is gone, until Ashley and Tommy understand that crashing in Adam’s spare bedroom won’t be an option tonight and see themselves out. 

As soon as the door closes behind them, Adam inches nearer, spreading his legs. Within seconds, Brian turns around and fits his back to Adam’s chest.

“What do you need tonight?”

He feels more than he hears Brian’s sigh. “Just a moment to rest.”

They’ve known each other long enough, have played together and have had sex long enough, that Adam understands exactly what Brian means. _Take it easy._

Adam doesn’t move. Not yet. He trails his hands across Brian’s arms, his chest, his legs, over and under his clothes, waiting and waiting for a sign from Brian. He still doesn’t know where tonight is leading. 

Any other day, they’d have spent hours hammering out the details before Brian even stepped foot in Adam’s house. Adam can and will improvise if necessary, but he doesn’t want to risk pushing too far. It’s a huge possibility since he has no idea how close Brian is to breaking, and the last thing Adam wants is to do more damage instead of helping.

“I might fall asleep on you if you keep this up…” Brian’s words are sluggish, as if his train of thought is already slowing down.

Adam can’t hold back a soft smile as he’s reminded of all the trust Brian has always given into him, how he’s one of the very few who’s ever seen Brian like this, open and vulnerable, the walls he always hides behind stripped away. It makes Adam even more determined to do this right, to take Brian wherever he needs to be taken and set him back on his feet. 

“Would that really be a bad thing?”

At first Brian only offers a shrug. Just as Adam starts to think he might have to push for an answer that means something, Brian says, “Not so good. I need a real break.”

Finally getting a hint of the right path to follow, Adam busses a soft kiss against Brian’s temple. “How about this? I’ll find my cuffs and my sleeping mask. You get one good night of uninterrupted sleep and then, tomorrow, I’ll take care of you.” 

He isn’t sure he got it right until Brian says, “Works for me.”

Adam takes one deep breath, centering himself as he considers the necessary steps. However, before he moves them to bed, he has to ask one last thing. “Give me your word.”

Brian tenses, and for a second, Adam wonders if he’ll call the whole thing off. It wouldn’t be the first time. He knows from experience that it’s as hard for Brian as it is for him to leave control in somebody else’s hands, even if it’s not for the same reasons. 

“Zodiac.”

It’s one of the very few things that didn’t change over the years. It always pushes Adam forward. The reminder of everything they’ve done together is just what he needs to shed his everyday persona and reach the state where his only focus is Brian and his own need to help Brian and care for him, any way he can. 

He goes back to the same gentle touches as before until he feels Brian relax again. Then he says, soft but firm, “Time for bed.”

***

In the morning, Brian drifts in and out of sleep. The mask over his eyes keeps him in complete darkness, unable to guess how much time has passed, how early or late it might be. It makes it easier to go with the flow and allow himself to get the rest he really needs. 

When he wakes up for real, he has to force himself to remain immobile. He knows where the quick-release button on the cuffs is. If this were the end of their night together, he would have no problem using it. But he’s aware this is only the beginning. 

So he stays right where he is, focusing on the firm grip of the cuffs around his wrists, on the mask resting over his eyes, on Adam’s weight holding him against the bed, on every point where his and Adam’s bodies connect. On Adam’s hand around his cock, the very reason why he’s awake. Each and every single feeling is a tether, all anchoring him into his own body. 

There’s a soft kiss on the side of his head. “You awake yet?”

Adam pushes away. Brian follows the lead of Adam’s hands on him and rolls onto his back. “More or less, yes.”

A barely there pressure of lips against his. “I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

He can’t help but laugh at that. “Liar.”

“You know me too well.” Another kiss. Brian can’t help but chase Adam’s tongue with his own. 

When they separate, Adam rests his forehead against Brian’s as his hand releases Brian’s cock. Without thinking, Brian rocks his hips to try and chase after the sensation. 

Adam grabs Brian’s hips and holds him down against the bed, tightly enough that Brian can feel the finger-shaped bruises forming. “Don’t fight me.” It’s just a whisper, but the command is clear. “Let it happen, pretty boy.”

The words hit hard, but they bring Brian a little closer to where he should be. Last night it would have been easy but now, after a night of real sleep, he feels like his feet are a little steadier on the ground. He won’t be able to let go without a conscious effort. 

He knows that Adam’s aware of this, that it’s the reason why he’s talking this way, why he still has Brian cuffed and blindfolded. It’s his way of giving Brian the little push he needs. 

“Take a deep breath, boy.” Adam’s voice is soft, coming out in little puffs of air against Brian’s skin. “Breathe and let go for me.”

After the first deep breath, Adam releases Brian’s hips and trails his fingers over Brian’s body. Another breath, combined with Adam’s gentle touches and words, “So good for me, pretty boy,” has Brian melting against the bed. Brian’s third breath gives him the peace he was seeking, leaving him pliant and willing in Adam’s arms. His legs part of their own accord. He lets out a happy sigh when Adam fits their bodies together, even though the slow, torturous rubbing of Adam’s cock against his is nowhere near what he really needs. 

“That’s it.” The warmth in Adam’s voice, the pride Brian can hear, make him really glad for the blindfold that allows him to hide how good and safe it makes him feel. “Let me get you there.”

The barely felt caress of Adam’s fingertips complements the slow rocking of Adam’s hips, a gentle wave of sensations. Everything feels soft and intimate. It isn’t enough, but at the same time, the act is almost perfect in its simplicity. 

With every gentle touch, Brian releases a little bit more of the tight grip he keeps on himself, until his whole world is reduced to Adam’s voice, Adam’s fingers over him, Adam’s cock pressed snugly against his. 

Adam keeps up the same touches, over and over again, until Brian’s whole body feels alive with sensations. Until the first, soft, whispered “please” escapes from Brian against his will. 

Time suspends itself, holding him captive, and nothing happens for a second that turns into eternity. Then Adam’s hands are back on him, a firm grip around his cock that he has to force himself not to thrust up into as slick fingers find his ass.

Adam’s hand on his cock is slow enough, the pressure of Adam’s fingers on his hole gentle enough that it all feels like a tease. Out of nowhere comes the stray thought that pain would have been easier to bear. Here and now, he has to fight himself every step of the way not to strain against the cuffs, aware that they’re just a reminder and not in any kind of way designed to keep him immobile. He needs to do that of his own free will. 

However, if he’d wanted – _needed_ – things to happen any other way, he wouldn’t still be here this morning. 

Just as he’s about to get lost in his own thoughts, there’s the feeling of fingers entering him, stretching him, a slow in and out that creates just the right kind of burn. Two fingers become three, then four, and the air is knocked out of his lungs. Adam’s touch is still soft and surprisingly gentle, but so intense that nothing exists anymore except for this moment.

Brian’s thoughts slow down to a halt as he gives himself over to Adam’s touch, as he lets Adam’s words surround him and create this little space where he can just be. 

Adam pulls out his fingers, releases Brian’s cock, but Brian doesn’t do anything, doesn’t say anything to get the touch back. He’s reaching the point where he can accept that this will go at Adam’s pace and there’s nothing he can do to make Adam hurry up. 

His heart hammers in his chest when he hears the noise of the condom wrapper, of Adam slicking himself. It feels like all his blood is being redirected toward his aching, hard dick. 

Anticipation goes straight to Brian's head, making him dizzy as he waits, and waits, and waits. Adam grabs one of his legs at the back of the knee, pushing it up and out of the way, opening him up, but still Brian waits. 

Brian can’t see but he has a good idea of how he must look, open and needy. “Come on, fuck me already!” 

Adam tightens his grip on Brian’s leg. “You know what I’m waiting for, pretty boy.”

Adam would never make him beg to come. The one time he did, it turned their whole scene into a disaster. But he never shies away from forcing Brian to admit how badly he needs this, no matter how far away from his usual it might be.

Brian knows, but it doesn’t make it any easier. “Please.” His whole face heats up, and he’s so fucking glad that his skin tone means that Adam won’t be able to see it. “Please, fuck me, _please_ …”

He trails off when Adam finally thrusts inside him. Any other day, it would feel too slow to be any good. But he could swear he feels the need coiled deep inside Adam, to cherish him and give him back his strength. It’s enough to make the slow, easy rhythm Adam’s imposing on both of them feel not so much like a tease, and more like everything he ever wanted. 

He lets out a string of “fuck” and “yes” and “please” when Adam finds just the right angle, barely aware of the words he’s saying. 

Still Adam doesn’t rush them toward orgasm. He gives a slow, circling grind of his hips in Brian’s ass then does it again. And again. And _again_. 

Brian grunts at the maddening, delightful pressure, his cock leaking precome. The snail-like pace is driving him goddamn _insane_. 

Just when he thinks he can’t take anymore, Adam stops, wrapping his hand around the base of Brian’s cock in a tight grip. “Not before I say so, pretty boy.” 

Just like that, Brian releases the last hint of control he was still clinging to, and he goes down. His head falls back against the pillow. He’s barely aware of the kisses Adam bites against the skin of his neck, butterfly-light hints of pain that bring him deeper and deeper. Adam’s whisper of praise doesn’t really make it through the fog that’s taken over Brian’s mind. The only thing he can understand is this feeling of safety and of being right where he should be.

It’s only then, when he’s finally given himself over to Adam’s touch, to Adam’s will, that Adam releases the grip he has on Brian’s cock as he presses deep into Brian’s ass, and jacks him off hard and fast. “Come for me, pretty boy.” 

A couple of strokes are all that’s needed for Brian to cry out as he spills over Adam’s hand. Adam works him through his orgasm until Brian’s sounds of pleasure turn into discomfort, his cock too sensitive for any kind of touch. 

Adam pulls out then there are the sounds of him throwing away the condom. Seconds later, his hands are on the back of Brian’s head. “I’m taking off the blindfold now. Close your eyes.”

Brian does, squeezing his eyes tighter against the light trying to leak through his eyelids, surprised at how late it has to be for the room to be flooded by sunlight. 

He’s still floating, but his eyes zero in on Adam’s hard dick. His mouth waters as he watches Adam knee-walk until he’s beside Brian’s head. “You have to finish me off. You know that, right?”

He can’t answer beyond a small nod. He feels the softness of silk as Adam presses a handkerchief against his palm and makes him close his fingers around it. “If you need me to stop, let it fall.”

Again, Brian nods. “I will.”

Adam cradles the back of Brian’s head with his hand. “Open up, pretty boy.”

Opening his mouth, Brian closes his eyes as Adam thrusts in. He can’t really suck or help in any way, especially not with his hands still tied, but there’s something about this feeling of being used, something about the heavy weight of Adam’s cock in his mouth that’s just what he needs to keep the worries of the world away a little longer. 

His eyes water every time Adam pushes a little too far, a little too fast, but it’s never enough to make him want to stop. It’s just one or two seconds when it feels like he might lose his breath, even though he knows that Adam is always careful not to go that far, that makes everything more intense. 

Every thrust of Adam’s cock in his mouth seems to push him a little farther, a little deeper. Until nothing exists but the way Adam’s using him for his own pleasure, making him want to give more and more as he loses himself in the feeling of being possessed, owned to his very core. 

“Just like that. So good for me, pretty boy.” Adam thrusts deep as he comes, making Brian choke as he does his best to swallow it all. He can’t resist licking Adam clean when he pulls out, can’t stop himself from clinging to Adam when he releases him, barely letting Adam step away long enough for him to grab a damp cloth and clean them both. 

Much, much later, after a long, shared shower where every touch speaks only of a tenderness and intimacy that doesn’t need to lead to something more, after a meal that Adam feeds to Brian – along with the habitual, “I can feed myself, you know” that makes Adam smile because it lets him know that Brian’s feet are now firmly back on the ground – Brian’s ready to leave. The looseness is back into his limbs, and the easiness to his smile. Even if the exhaustion didn’t disappear in one night, he’s feeling grounded enough that getting the sleep he needs won’t be a problem.

Right before Brian leaves, Adam hugs him tight. “You’re good?”

Brian gives the smallest nod against Adam’s shoulder, but his voice is steady when he says, “I’m great. Thanks, man.”

“Anytime.” Adam takes a step back, clearly making sure he has Brian’s full attention before he says, “You know that, right?”

Brian’s throat tightens, as it does every time he’s reminded of how deep their friendship runs. “Yeah. I know.”

Their last kiss is always soft and sweet, a slow dance of lips and tongue. Brian is as aware as Adam that anything long-term between them would never work. But this moment is a reminder that, every once in a while, each of them can be exactly what the other needs.

That’s more than enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Title is inspired by this part of the song Eet, by Regina Spektor.
> 
>  
> 
> _It's like forgetting the words to your favorite song._  
>  You can't believe it; you were always singing along.  
> It was so easy and the words so sweet.  
> You can't remember; you try to feel the beat.


End file.
